Christian Financial Forums

[Stasigh]

We are trying to figure out how banking changes when you get married. I know it depends on our individual jobs and incomes, but what if that changes? right now we both work, me part time and him full time. But it is possible that His job (consturction and custom woodwork) will end or slow drasticly over winter months and I would step-up to full time.
Should one of us close our account and get added to the others or should we keep totally separate accounts? Or is there a happy medium? A set amount of "allowance" in a personal account? Or should it be a percentage of what we earn? And what would happen to Separate accounts a few years from now when we have kids and I switch from working out of the home to being a full time mom?
Anyone who has been married awhile want to share what has worked for you? I hate to go blind by trial and error.

[KrozFan]

When my wife and I got married, almost three years ago, I closed my bank account and put my name on her account making it a joint account. From there we pay bills out of it and yes we take a certain amount of personal/fun money out of there for ourselves every month. Haven't set up personal bank accounts for that yet because we were getting out of debt and the amount of fun money was small and wouldn't have been worth it. Make a budget together and you won't run into problems with his/her money. I don't know if you're a Dave Ramsey listener, but he has questions about this stuff every once in a while and that's basically what he says. Not sure if you're married now but if you're not yet it's best to wait until you are married to put everything together, just in case.

Also, I don't know what you mean by his job slowing down or ending. If he's employed by someone else and takes home a paycheck there's no big deal with that, but if he owns his own business he should have a separate account just for the business, regardless of what you chose to do with your personal accounts.

[Amatachick]

I think this is a very individual choice for people. Some couples have it work well with a joint account and other couples seem to work better with separate accounts.

My husband and I have one joint account which our paychecks go into and then all the bills and everything comes out of there. We don't really get personal spending money right now but it's something we want to start doing in the future. Right now we just gauge how we're doing with our budget and if we have some extra room we'll hit the ATM for $20 and split it (Yes, I know of an ATM that doesn't make you get things out in $20 denominations, it uses $5 bills! ). We don't usually do this more than once a month or every other month at this point though. Perhaps when things aren't as tight we'll give each other some more spending money.

[pochax]

i agree with Amatachick that this is very much a decision that is dependent on the couple (ie. there is no "right" way to do it). However, there are probably some issues to look into before you make that decision. For instance, is one or both spouses "good" with money - ie. they budget, save, manage the money well so that they don't end up realizing they spent too much that month? Certainly, i agree with the above commenter who recommended planning a budget (joint budget) so that IF you are going give personal allowances to each spouse, there is a limit to it.

For my family, my wife used to be the "budgeter" until i woke up, smelled the coffee, and realized my responsibility as the husband to be a leader in the family with regards to our finances. Although my wife did fine, she had plenty on her plate with our two small kids so i took over the finances, budgeting, saving/investing and it has turned out well. We keep a budget both on Mint.com as well as on an Excel spreadsheet and i check our expenses on a monthly basis to make sure we are in line. we have joint checking and savings accounts, but we hold separate credit cards, and i make sure neither of us are late on payments or have any credit card balances by the end of each billing cycle. Yes, it is time-consuming, but since i have a real interest in personal finance, it's no chore for me to do. Since we've switched roles we have been able to save $500-1000 per month and increase my 401k contributions, pay off a car loan, and hopefully later this year, pay off my wife's student loans leaving us only with our mortgage.
Finally, a big non-financial issue that will affect your decision is how much you TRUST your spouse (and vice versa). whether you have joint or separate accounts it will affect your relationship, although in my opinion, that lack of trust may be discovered sooner with a joint account than if money were hidden away in separate accounts (only to eventually be discovered later when some crisis arises).

[matt]

My wife and I have a joint account that our checks are directly deposited into and bills are paid out of. We also have a joint credit card account. It makes it easier for me to keep track of our finances. We don't really get any allowance money, I prefer if we buy everything on the credit card since we get cash back.

I think Pochax is right about the trust issue. That's really what it comes down to.

[Bob]

we have all of our accounts joint, but we both get separate cash "allowances" every two weeks. As everyone has mentioned, you have to find what works for you, because everyone's situation is different - hopefully this thread will provide some good ideas for you. I know for us, we found that when we bought misc things (going out to lunch, etc...) out of a shared pot it led to some disagreements over how the other one was spending the money. My wife and I have pretty different spending habits So, we just divided it up as "allowances" and immediately the problem was solved. I suggest trying some things out and if you notice something isn't working, change it - it is your budget, you set the rules!

[milneepp]

We have our accounts together. I think the one thing that would cause me to to have it all together would be if one of us was a spender and the other a saver. Fortunately we are both savers.

[Stasigh]

What i meant about his job is that he is in construction and carpentry and that is somewhat seasonal work, especially in this economic climate.
Interesting to me is that no one who has separate accounts of any sort has commented here

[pochax]

What i meant about his job is that he is in construction and carpentry and that is somewhat seasonal work, especially in this economic climate.
Interesting to me is that no one who has separate accounts of any sort has commented here

Hi Stasigh,
i think when the many posters here have said "ultimately you have do what is best for you", we are not trying to be unhelpful, but we are aware that your situation may differ enough with ours (both your personalities as well as your circumstances) that what works for us won't work as well for you. For example, i am the primary breadwinner in our family and my wife makes some side income in a part-time job, thus she needs access to money to take care of our kids and run errands, but if her income only went into her own account, there wouldn't be enough there by the end of the month! We do use credit cards and budget so she has a good idea of how much she can spend for the month. This may not work for you since you and your fiance both have incomes but they may vary month to month. You can tell me if u don't think this would work, but i suggest opening a joint acct where all your income gets direct deposited. You then can use your separate accounts to put "allowances" as some have mentioned on this thread. That way, since all the income is going into one basket first, you can adjust the allowances based on what is coming in on a month-to-month basis. Would that work for you?

I also think it's interesting that no one who has posted uses separate accounts (primarily). I wonder if that has to do with the fact that this forum is probably dominated by those of the Christian faith and that the Christian view of marriage as a union is also seen as a union in finances among other things. Just a theory.....

[grandmaks]

My husband and I have been married 10 years and have always had separate accounts. We each have certain bills (household) that we pay. This has worked very well for us.

[pochax]

My husband and I have been married 10 years and have always had separate accounts. We each have certain bills (household) that we pay. This has worked very well for us.

Finally, someone with separate accounts! So how does the income get distributed? do each of you bring home a paycheck and deposit them in your separate accounts or does it get divided up 50/50? do you ever review bank statements together on a regular basis? i'm just curious to see how it works

[coondog]

My husband and I had separate accounts for over 10 years. We both work full time. We would put a set amount in the "joint" account for bills and such, then whatever was left over was our money to do with whatever we wanted. We thought this worked well....now forward to post Dave Ramsey followers. We put all our money together, and we each get an allowance which is our fun money.

The joint money has actually worked out better. With separate accounts I always felt like I was putting too much in and not having enough of "my" money. I guess I wanted to be the independent woman. But WE'RE MARRIED! It should be together. It's like when the crusaders would get baptized but leave their swords out of the water. Everything else you do is together, so money should be too.

Make sure you have a budget you both agree upon. You can still have your "fun money" or "allowance" to have the freedom to do what you want without having the arguments of having to justify what you spend your money on. We are doing so much better financially now that our money is together. When it was separate we just weren't making any progress with savings, goals, etc.

[mutex]

This is a topic i am starting to really think about since i am getting marries this year.

I like having a joint account for bill paying and essentials(groceries, gas, etc), but i also think that each person in the marriage should have there own account to spend on anything they want.

[tvpnyc]

while i do think ether option can work for couples-- i personally feel that when a couple is sharing an account (at least a main "family" account), there's a certain sense of "team" and "our money" instead of "this is my money, that is your's"... even though paying bills can be a simple and mundane thing for couples to do, it can also add a feeling of closeness-- of oneness-- when cutting a check from a joint account.
that may sound a bit silly or juvenile, but the more time that passes being a married man, the more opportunities for closeness and team-focused energy i embrace. if having a joint checking account can bring about more closeness, dialog and a feeling of acting for the better of the marriage, i'm all for it.

[jeneli]

In our household, we have joint checking accounts. All our income gets deposited and we pay all our bills out of that account; whether or not is "his" bill or "my" bill. We do have separate savings account. I am a saver and he is a spender.
So we designate how much out of our joint account will go to our individual savings and each can do whatever they want.

But now that we are starting to follow the Total Money Makeover, no more individual savings account. Our monthly budget will have "fun" money for each one if funds allow. (We never had a budget before; I am so excited to have one now. Still working out the tweaks). The main goal is pay all debt and concentrate in building our emergency fund.

So, what does your husband think? Does he want joint or separate? Sit together and discuss your financial goals together. Come up with a plan together.

[grandmaks]

Pochax---We do review accounts together at times, but we do have a savings account together.

[CharlesT]

When my wife and I got married, we started out with a joint checking account that we both used. That didn't last long; neither one of us was particularly good at keeping records, so we'd wind up overdrafting our account. When I would pay work related expenses it would drive my wife crazy; she felt like I was using her money to pay for my work related expenses.

So, we now have separate checking accounts, at two different banks. Both accounts have both our names on them, but we keep them separate so we can manage our money and spending better (for us). I pay all of the utilites and house related bills from my account; we divide the monthly expenditures, and she gives me a check for half of the amount. Of course, I pay all of my work related expenses my self, and she doesn't have to worry with keeping track of that stuff in one joint checkbook.
We have separate credit card accounts, but those are being paid off and will be done in a year or two.

Trust me, we have a lot more peace in the house this way, and it gives both of us some independence in our spending for ourselves.

[dg7]

My fiance and I are doing a joint account for everything but his car loan--that is in his name only, at his "old" bank. So far, the joint accounting has worked for us, especially as we're paying for wedding expenses/tuition (we're both in grad school)--we're both motivated to keep tabs on the account and one of us can usually run by the bank/make a phone call if we're running low (and the other one is stuck working, in class, researching, with a vendor, etc.).

When we're finally married and living together, we will follow the "fun money allowance" plan--we both see this as a way to maintain independence while still maintaining responsibility for our actions & overall finances. Hope this helps!

[jackfoley]

I'm a retired CPA. In that world we created controls and checks not necessarily because we didn't trust each other but it created accountability. It left the controller knowing that there was oversight. Just that was enough to stop most embezzlement. In every case where the company either didn't have the controls or didn't enforce them, the controller was placed in temptation. Some talked to me and we resolved the issue with the owner. Freeing the controller and elminating the temptation. Others simply took advantage of the situation and took many thousands of dollars.

So, apply that to personal life. That communication and accountablity is so useful. We're all fallen broken people prone to do what we want to. We don't nececarrily get to a very bad quickly; it's more like death by a thousand cuts.

I have a friend who had seprate checking account from his lovely wife. They each had their own bills to take care of but they didn't check each out. He started down a path starting with free * on the web, which progressed to paying for it - which he could hide in the separate account -, which progressed to hooking up with folk in bars, to hiring hookers.

Did they have bigger issues than just a joint checking account? Yes. Would maintaining joint records where the both review stuff help keep each other accountable? Definately yes. Maybe he would have stopped with guilt before spending any money. Maybe she would have asked about the expenditures. it would have given them an opportunity to talk about it.

Joint accounts for marriage. ABSOLUTELY! Most marriages that fail include financial issues. Start talking about this stuff. Work together. Isn't that part of marriage? Being a team? I think so.

-jack

[geekgirl4god]

I completely agree with jackfoley. The first thing that my husband after coming back from our honeymoon was join all of our accounts. It continues to be a great way that encourages communication. I think that if you and your spouse are on a written budget every month that a lot of the problems that some have talked about regarding joint accounts will be resolved.

We have just started to implement two new categories to our budget - individual "blow" money. We moved all of our fun budget items into this, things like individual eating out, music, books, and even clothing. We can do whatever we want with this money, but all of the transactions go through our joint accounts so we know what each other is purchasing. It's been a really positive thing for our marriage.

[Layneh]

My wife and I have been married for nearly 5 years. We are in our twenties, pushing thirties. This is what has worked for us, and such, I would suggest, however by no means am I suggesting it would work for everyone.

We joined all of our accounts upon getting married. This works great because we are both active in our finances, and manage money well. I would be fearful to join accounts if my spouse wasn't active financially, but joining is still a good idea in my opinion.

We both have input on our budget, and have our own and joint financial goals. The rewards are that my name is added to my wife's' accounts, and her name is added to mine, and since we are both financially savvy, it benefits each other. This can work in the opposite side of the scale.

As far as spending money, we record all expenditures, in categories, on a piece of paper hanging on the fridge (which is later added into our monthly budget). For personal spending, we have created a category where we pull out cash ($20 a month), and put in our pockets. She spends/saves it how she likes, and I do the same. It is agreed on that if one of us goes out to eat with out the other, its paid for by the "out-of-pocket funds, not our account.

In the beginning. discussing every expenditure was key, now we have a common understanding of what our budget is, and what falls under each category. (That's not to say we have everything figured out or agree on everything, but it certainly makes it easier.)

[jrhendrix]

I'm getting married May 9, and my fiance and I have decided that in order for him to be the head of household, all of our money should be in the same accounts. We feel that there should not be opportunities for "hidden" money that could create mistrust. We will have an allowance though (5%- 2.5% each) that we can spend however we want to.

My question is though, in order to foster a healthy marriage, does it matter who manages the money? Will he feel resentful when I start staying home with our kids if I am the one keeping up with the budget?

[pochax]

My question is though, in order to foster a healthy marriage, does it matter who manages the money? Will he feel resentful when I start staying home with our kids if I am the one keeping up with the budget?

there is no biblical mandate as to who manages the money (as far as i know), thus i think you can approach it pragmatically and based on the personalities of you and your husband. to me, it seems easier if one person is charged with paying the bills and managing the budget BUT keeping close communication with the other as to where the money is going, who is spending more, and look for solutions (cut costs/raise income) TOGETHER rather one person being charged to be the "money person" and the other just stays out of their way. i think the potential for problems will come up there when communication breaks down. how often those "money meetings of the mind" happen really depends on you. my wife and i probably inadvertently talk money issues at least once a week or so which seems fine with me (i am the bill payer but tell her where all the money goes so she can keep track of her spending). again, not a plan that will work for everyone, so talk it over with hubby and bring back your solution to share with others here!

[bobv]

When my wife and I got married over 25 yrs ago, we had this discussion. At the time, I was recently graduated from college, she was already working and making a lot more then I was. After much talk, some prayer, and reviewing how we were going to manage our finances, we decided to keep one account. That worked for most of our marriage. Over the last 8 yrs, we still have our one account together, but we also each have our own accounts as well. This allows us a bit of "blow" money and allows us to buy gifts for each other without the other knowing.

[Bob]

I agree with Pochax - communication is key! And as far as who does it, I say whoever is going to pay the bills on time But either way, make sure you both communicate with each other...

[tcdonn]

My husband and I have always had joint accounts. It has always worked well - communication is vital and creating a budget is very helpful. Having all your money together, I think, helps solidify the marriage. It is also helpful to have everything together to discuss financial goals.

[4jacks]

What i meant about his job is that he is in construction and carpentry and that is somewhat seasonal work, especially in this economic climate.
Interesting to me is that no one who has separate accounts of any sort has commented here

I think most christians are going to have a joint account. I guess it's part of the "become one flesh thing"

I think it could be devisive if a couple try's to look at it as "This is my money, and that is your money. These are my bills and those are your bills" Especially in situations like your where, soon, the ratios will change. If you use seperate accounts, when your husband starts making less money, you will need to cover more bills, and will have less extra money and feel robbed. But he will still have less money, and stop buying you any kind of little gifts, becuase you have all the money anyway.

So anyway. Heather and I both have our own personal accounts beyond our joint account. But they only get about $40 every two weeks. That is about $20 to fill up the gas tanks, and $20 to spend on whatever we want. We call it anything money, and I think it's pretty important. We don't want to feel like we have to explain every little purchase to each other. We simply agree on the amount of anything money in advance. She needs more clothes, makeup, etc than I do, so she gets more.

[Steve Orris]

My wife and I have been married for 13 years. We have not always had just one joint account but it works better when we do. Neither of us keep good records, me because I'm not detailed with that and my wife because four kids take up her time . She was better at financial records before we had kids but just doesn't have time now. Anyway, since we are married everything belongs to both of us. During times when money is tight it is easier to know that you don't have to remember which account has the money in it. As has been pointed out already, communication is the key. Talk about it and decide together what to do. If you can't agree on money I would question whether you should get married. If you are married already talk it out (calmly).

[earngivesave]

When we got married, my wife and I put everything together into one account. We also made the decision at that time that, although we were definitely responsible enough, we were not going to use credit cards anymore. We do use a debit card so that we have the convenience of cash, but that's basically it. It felt very strange to strip things down to just one account, but there is definitely freedom in that we both know what's going on all the time. It's great!

[pochax]

When we got married, my wife and I put everything together into one account. We also made the decision at that time that, although we were definitely responsible enough, we were not going to use credit cards anymore. We do use a debit card so that we have the convenience of cash, but that's basically it. It felt very strange to strip things down to just one account, but there is definitely freedom in that we both know what's going on all the time. It's great!

"and knowing is half the battle"
- GI Joe

[tsalk]

When my ex and I were together, we had a joint checking account. When we split up, I opened my own checking account at the same bank since I already had an established relationship with that bank. My ex kicked and screamed when I talked about closing the joint one. Since it was such a battle I left it alone and made sure in our legal separation agreement, I had put ownership of that account in his ballcourt. Eventually my ex overdrew his account and left it overdrawn for more than 30 days at which point the recovery dept of the bank froze my account (the day after I got paid and had already sent out all my checks to pay all my bills), bounced all my checks, reported me to chexsystems and stole almost my entire paycheck. They claimed it was because the could set off my single account because my name was still associated with my exes account. Needless to say I immediately ended my entire banking relationship with that bank, even closing my kids accounts there and moving to a local credit union.

Now I'm remarried and we have always maintained seperate accounts. We moved a little over a year ago and changed banks to one nearer to home. My bank is a pita and won't let me deposit checks if they weren't made out to me alone.....They call those third party checks. Since my hubby does a lot of side work and gets checks made out to him, I recently added him to my account making it joint. But it took me almost 6 years to do it. Hubby maintains a seperate savings account at the credit union for his job. His car payment money is taken directly from his payroll and put in that account, then the bank takes their payment directly from that account. That way he has an account at that credit union and I don't have to worry about his car payment.

The system works for us and at least now I'll be able to put his checks into my account without issue.

[JaysSavingYourMoney]

[quote="Stasigh"]We are trying to figure out how banking changes when you get married. I know it depends on our individual jobs and incomes, but what if that changes? right now we both work, me part time and him full time. But it is possible that His job (consturction and custom woodwork) will end or slow drasticly over winter months and I would step-up to full time.
Should one of us close our account and get added to the others or should we keep totally separate accounts? Or is there a happy medium? A set amount of "allowance" in a personal account? Or should it be a percentage of what we earn? And what would happen to Separate accounts a few years from now when we have kids and I switch from working out of the home to being a full time mom?
Anyone who has been married awhile want to share what has worked for you? I hate to go blind by trial and error.[/quote]

I would have to say that I am close to the same position as you and your husband. I currently am a small business owner full time during the Spring, Summer, and Fall seasons. I slow down drastically during the Winter season. My wife and I both have separate accounts. The main reason was for taxation purposes, however I have to say that we are both happy with the outcome. Many of our friends have joint accounts and we find out that that causes unneeded stress on the marriage.

My parents shared joint accounts and they fought about their "joint" account and their finances all of my childhood. Now that I am full grown and with my own beautiful 6 year old daughter I am glad to say that she never sees that situation from us. In my personal opinion based on my personal experiences I would have to say to keep separate accounts just for the sake of saving yourselves stress in the long run.

I really hope that this post of mine helped you to come to your ultimate conclusion. Please let us know your outcome. Good Luck!

[clydewolf]

Communication is necessary for a joint account to work.

If you do not want to communicate, then keep separate accounts.

[dklange]

I'm engaged too and we've been discussing what to do with our finances once we get married. A large part of the reason why I am dragging my feet is that we can't agree on how to handle money -- maybe I've just been single too long. I thought it would be a good idea to put all of our money in one account, each get an "allowance, and have the rest of our funds go to joint savings goals and retirement. His idea is to total all of our bills and then each deposit an amount based on the percentage of our incomes (I suggest the percentage be figured based on gross income before anything is taken out), then the rest goes into our separate accounts. I'm still not seeing how having future joint savings goals would work. That plan also doesn't take into account one party incuring debt that the other party doesn't want to pay for. I also have two daughters from a previous marriage so I'm guessing they wouldn't figure into the joint calculations and would be my sole responsibility like they have always been.

Good luck and I hope you find something that works. Remember, that if it doesn't work you can always make changes to the plan later.

[4jacks]

I'm engaged too and we've been discussing what to do with our finances once we get married. A large part of the reason why I am dragging my feet is that we can't agree on how to handle money -- maybe I've just been single too long. I thought it would be a good idea to put all of our money in one account, each get an "allowance, and have the rest of our funds go to joint savings goals and retirement. His idea is to total all of our bills and then each deposit an amount based on the percentage of our incomes (I suggest the percentage be figured based on gross income before anything is taken out), then the rest goes into our separate accounts. I'm still not seeing how having future joint savings goals would work. That plan also doesn't take into account one party incuring debt that the other party doesn't want to pay for. I also have two daughters from a previous marriage so I'm guessing they wouldn't figure into the joint calculations and would be my sole responsibility like they have always been.

Good luck and I hope you find something that works. Remember, that if it doesn't work you can always make changes to the plan later.

My personal view, and I am finding a lot of christians agree. Once your married you are married and you really truly have to work through everything and approach everthing with a "One" Mentality. Things that seperate this bills that only one person is responsible for, and kids that only one person is responsible for. I know goals and financial plans can be tough to iron out, but they can be ironed out so that you two have the same goals and work towards the same future. If you guys work towards different futures, you most certainly will have different futures.

[matt]

Communication is necessary for a joint account to work.

If you do not want to communicate, then keep separate accounts.

If you do not want to communicate then do not get married either!