Plug the holes
If you were in a boat in the middle of the ocean and you noticed that water was coming in through a hole, would you spend your time scooping the water out over the side of the boat, or would you plug the hole?
Getting out of debt works with the same principle. Our spending is like the water coming into the boat, and the way to fix it is to QUIT SPENDING!
Yes, it is obvious, but it needs to be repeated because for some reason our brains can realize that it is true, but not do anything about it. So our goal in this lesson is to plug the hole, stop the bleeding, whatever you want to call it: quit spending.
Spend less money than you make
Getting out of debt, creating wealth, living financially free, retiring with cash in hand can all be achieved by following one simple rule:
Spend less than you earn.
If you do everything else wrong, but get this correct you will still be okay. But, the scary truth is that if you do everything else right, but get this wrong you will be in bad shape.
It is very simple, but it is not easy. But it is the only way to stay debt free. It is the only way to have any lasting wealth. It doesn’t matter if get $10 million from lottery winnings, if you can’t follow this simple rule you will be back to where you started in no time (and often even worse.)
It doesn’t matter how much you make. Everyone (I used to do this too) thinks that when they make more money they will be able to spend less than they earn. This just is very rarely true.
We all know someone who no matter what time something starts you can count on them being 15 minutes late. It doesn’t matter if they have the entire day free, they will still be late. It isn’t a matter of the time available as much as it is a matter of discipline. So it is with our spending.
If you can’t spend less than you earn with what you have now, you will not be able to when you get more. Parkinson’s law states that “expenses rise to meet income.” So without a deliberate and intentional effort each increase in income that you get will quickly be used up by new expenses.
This is frustrating part about getting a raise. As much as I loved getting them, they never seemed to make bill paying any easier. Have you ever felt this way?
So I know I need to spend less than I earn, but how?
Make a budget
A budget is absolutely one of the best tools that you will find to help you spend less than you make. I have written extensively about how to budget, but I suggest you start with this post - how to make a budget. It will walk you through all the steps you need to get started on an effective budget. If you are really serious about getting out of debt, don’t skip this step.
Everyone who does not budget spends more money than those who do. It is as simple as that. It doesn’t have to be painful and can even be fun.
Eliminate the temptation to spend.
It is not a bad idea at all to cut up the credit cards. Romans 13:14 says to,”make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.” I did this by not going to the mall and not going out to eat. These were my two problem areas where I spent way too much money. Find out what your temptations are and run from them and set yourself up to succeed. Alcoholics shouldn’t hang out in bars and over-spenders shouldn’t go to the mall!
Next we are going to look at ways to free up more cash by cutting your expenses so we can pay down those debts!
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Our greatest battles as Christians are in our minds.
I have noticed in my life that whenever I face a challenging situation (aka opportunity for growth) I almost always have to go through the same three steps…
- I have to open my mind to a new way of thinking or doing something
- I have to make a decision to do it
- Then I can take action
I have found that when I am challenged by something, I either open my mind to the possibility of it or I don’t. If I do open my mind to it, then I have to count the cost to decide if I want to do it. If so, the last and often easiest step is to just do it.
For example: Before I started walking with God and even a couple years after, if I thought about sharing the Gospel with someone, I would not have opened my mind to it, because that was something that, “I would not do.” My mind was completely closed to the possibility of it and I would not even entertain thoughts about it.
As I grew in my walk, God helped me open my mind to the possibility. I was still convinced that it was something I would hopefully never have to do, but if God really, really needed my to, I would.
Well, guess what? It wasn’t much longer before I was faced with the opportunity. Now I had to decide. My mind was telling me 50 reasons why I should not as I argued with myself trying to come to a decision. It was a very fierce battle, but the decision was made and it was all down hill from there. Actually taking action (talking to the person) was easy. None of the stuff I was afraid of happened (got mocked, spit on, etc.), The hardest part was actually DECIDING to do it.
It has been very difficult opening my mind to things that were different. It is easy to do things like you always have, but opening your mind to change is difficult. It can be a painful experience to realize that maybe you have been wrong about something all your life or that there was a better way that you didn’t know about. But what option do you have? We can either bury our head in the sand, or humble ourselves and open up to the possibility of changing.
The Parable of the Rich Young Ruler
This story provides a good example of someone who was not willing open his mind to changing his ways.
Matthew 19:16-22
And someone came to Him and said, “Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may obtain eternal life?” And He said to him, “Why are you asking Me about what is good? There is only One who is good; but if you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.” Then he said to Him, “Which ones?”
And Jesus said, “YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER; YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY; YOU SHALL NOT STEAL; YOU SHALL NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS; HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER; and YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.”
The young man said to Him, “All these things I have kept; what am I still lacking?” Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” But when the young man heard this statement, he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property.
He probably had all of his identity tied up in his wealth, which is why when Jesus challenged his thinking by telling him to give his stuff away and follow him he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t open his mind to the possibility of not having all his wealth. He had been given specific instruction on what he needed to do to go to Heaven - yet his closed mind prevented him from following through.
He might have been thinking a lot of the same things we think when faced with the decision of whether or not to get out of debt. Like:
- Am I still going to be able to go buy new clothes once a week?
- Am I going to be able to go out to eat as much as I would like?
- Am I going to have to do things that don’t feel good?
For the Rich Young Ruler, the challenge was opening his mind to the possibility of not doing things the way he always had. He was probably raised having everything He wanted and couldn’t imagine the thought of giving it all up. It wasn’t the act of giving the money away that was the challenge, it was the fact that he couldn’t even open his mind to the possibility of not having his wealth.
He could have obeyed Jesus and used his wealth to greatly benefit the lives of others. His problem was that he was unwilling to open his mind to the possibility of giving it away. Without opening his mind to the possibility of it, he obviously would never be able to DECIDE to give it, so would also never be able to give it.
I have found that the greatest breakthroughs in my life came as a result of opening my mind to a new way of thinking. It requires humility to admit that something you have always done or always thought is not necessarily the only way or correct at all. These mindset changes can be very difficult, but they are absolutely essential to follow God and accomplish anything worth accomplishing in life.
Getting out of debt is not a one-time decision
I wish getting out of debt, losing weight, and exercising were one-time decisions, but they are not. They need to be decided over and over again. Every time you get tempted to buy something you don’t need, or have a potluck at work, or just feel like sitting on the couch - you have a decision to make. Are you going to do what you should do, or what you FEEL like doing?
You probably know what most people do most of the time - what they FEEL like doing. You are obviously different. You wouldn’t be reading this if you were like most people.
So, you may have “decided” to get out of debt, but as we go through the rest of this series you will probably be faced with some ideas that are challenging. You first need to open your mind to them, then if they are right for you, decide to do them and then of course, take action.
In Part 3 we are going to look at the reasons for creating a balance sheet…
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Why get out of debt?
God didn’t create us so that we could seek our own satisfaction.
I believe that God put each person down here for a reason and that reason is to bless others. In doing so, we will be blessed.
I have found in my own life that my most joyful moments often revolved around me helping or doing something to benefit another person. This was the reason for starting Free Stuff Friday. Meanwhile, my most painful, sorrowful, and sad moments were taking place when I was thinking about myself. Often times one of the quickest remedies to a struggle that we are having is to get our minds off ourselves and go do something for someone else.
So what does this have to do with getting out of debt? A whole lot actually. Your motivation for wanting to get out of debt should go beyond yourself. Sure, it will be awesome when you get to break out of the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle and when you can buy that car with cash, but that is just part of it. God wants to use you to financially bless others! This is a very good thing because:
- Giving is one of the most fun and self-fulfilling activities you can be a part of.
- You are storing up treasure in Heaven for eternity, rather than down here for a few more years (Matthew 6:20).
- Giving is a great way to burn selfishness out of your life.
- When you give, it will be given back to you in abundance (Luke 6:38)!
You must have something to give!
If you are like most Christians I have met, you want to be able to give more. You have a good heart and wish you could give more. You really want to be able to bless people and give more to your church. But again, if you are like most that I have met, you are thinking, “it is hard enough just to pay the bills each month, let alone give to others the way I would like to.”
This is exactly why you need to get out of debt!
Imagine how much easier it would be to give if you didn’t have any credit card payments, or car payments, or even (dare I say it) a mortgage payment—this has been my motivation over the last few years! This is where you and I are headed!
It is not actually our money
Our money is really not our own. We are merely stewards of what we have been given by God (read the Parable of the Talents for a refresher.) Even if you insist on saying that you worked hard to earn it, who gave you your brain, the hands you used, and even the air you put in your lungs?
We came into the world with nothing, we will leave with nothing. It is all God’s (Psalm 89:11). We have the priveledge of being stewards. When we are slack or wasteful with our money, it is not our money we are wasting, but Gods. It is not only ourselves that we hinder but others as well.
Yes the thought of being out of debt is fun to think about, but the main purpose for our getting out of debt is to benefit the Kingdom of God.
God didn’t set this thing up so that we just sit back as spectators, and it also isn’t just about what we can do with our strength. We have a part to play and so does God. The Bible says that we are co-laborers with Him (1 Corinthians 3:9). We need to be giving to fund and finance the Kingdom of God - how much more effective are we going to be if we are out of debt?
Psalm 67:7
“God blesses us, that all the ends of the earth may fear Him.”
In the Getting out of Debt series, there are going to be 6 more articles that will walk you through what you need to do to get out of debt. These are the things I am actually doing myself and found them to be the most helpful. Let me warn you upfront, working to be debt free is NOT easy. It requires sacrifices. It requires a fight. But anything in life that is worth having is going to require a fight. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!! Don’t grow weary in well doing!!
If you ever have any questions or need encouragement - shoot me an email and we can talk.
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This is a reprint of an article I wrote for Being Frugal a few days ago…
When I was about 14 years old, my uncle suddenly and unexpectedly went home to be with the Lord. He had meticulously taken care of the finances for their family and left my aunt on a very solid financial foundation. Obviously, this didn’t take away the pain of him being gone, but his preparation eliminated additional stress that would have been present without it.
It’s one of those things we all prefer not to think about, but it is always better to be prepared. My aunt is still reaping from what my uncle sowed by having his things in order.
My FLOP
Being impacted by my uncle’s premature death and wanting to do everything I can do to help my wife, I decided to create a system for keeping things organized.
It has been a work in progress over the last few years, but has evolved into a very helpful tool. Simply put, it is a single file or location for all your financial account details. I call it a FLOP (Financial Life on One Page). FLOP sounds a little cooler than FLOOP, but not much 
In adding to it over the last few years it has come to have three main purposes. The first being that it is a:
1. Balance Sheet
One of the best pieces of advice I received about 5 years ago, when I started my journey to clean up my finances was to keep a balance sheet. I didn’t really understand why at the time, but I did it anyway. I have updated it twice a year since I started it and it has been a great source of encouragement as I have fought to get out of debt.
The reason it has been such a source of encouragement is because a balance sheet not only takes into account the debt you have been paying off, but all of your good financial decisions. So increasing your savings, paying down debt, making wise purchases all will affect your balance sheet in a positive way.
Also, looking at the size of your debts or assets does not necessarily give an accurate report of your financial condition. To get a accurate picture of your financial situation you need a balance sheet to calculate your net worth. It is very easy to do and is just a big subtraction problem:
Assets - Liabilities = Net Worth
If you have never started a balance sheet, I recommend doing it. It is a simple way to track your financial progress as you move towards your goals. For most people it shouldn’t take more than an hour to gather up all your account balances and asset values.
And as with most things, you are either moving forward, or you are going backwards. If you are increasing your assets or minimizing debts your net worth should be growing. If your net worth is getting smaller, then it is an indication that you should re-evaluate how you are spending your money. And even if your situation is not very encouraging, it will force you to see the financial truth so you can make adjustments as needed.
How to create a balance sheet
- Use Excel, Google docs, or some other spreadsheet software.
- List every Asset you can possibly think of from cars to stocks to jewelry for the amount that you could quickly sell it for. (To save time, you can lump together smaller assets like “misc. household items”) Total these items up to get a subtotal of your assets.
- Below the Assets total, list every debt or liability that you have. Mortgages, credit cards, student loans, they all apply. Total your debts to get your liability total.
- Subtract your liability total from your asset total to get your Net Worth.
2. Organize all my login information
Another piece of good advice I got a few years back was to create an extremely unique login ID and use it for every website that I had an ID for. I followed the advice and it has helped, but it is not a fail-proof system. Some sites require your email address, some want more than 8 characters, some want less, etc. And in this day in age, where you just about need to login to open your refrigerator, it can be difficult keeping track of all your login information.
After adding all your accounts in the balance sheet section above, you should have all your account information listed already and you can just add a column to add your login for that company. If you use various passwords you could list them in another column as well, but consider using a password hint rather than the actual password. I still come back to my FLOP at least once a week to figure out a login that I forgot about.
3. Financial roadmap for my wife
The third and most important reason for my FLOP is for my wife. In most families, one person manages the finances and has a better understanding of the overall financial picture. I am that person in my family. Are you that person in yours?
If so, would your spouse (or other beneficiaries) know where to find your financial information? Insurance policies, bank accounts, investment accounts, safe deposit boxes?
I know for my personal situation I know a bit more about our financial details than my wife does. I use my FLOP to layout all of the pertinent details for my wife, if she ever needed them. It contains the name, phone number or web address of each institution, our account numbers for those institutions and any other pertinent info that may be needed.
I then burned the file to a CD and kept it in our safe. Every year or so I put a copy of the updated FLOP in there.
Losing a loved one is a terribly difficult process. Having a “roadmap” prepared in advance for your loved ones is a great way to help eliminate unnecessary stress.
If you are interested, you can download a copy of my template for my FLOP.
This article was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance
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This is a guest post by Cory Edwards. Cory is a professional song writer and the Music Director for a church in St. Louis.
If we’re doing our job as Christians, we die to ourselves every day. We kill greed, jealousy, and selfishness so we can become better servants of Christ. And if we’ve done our part, I believe God has a very specific question for us. It comes from James 1:6-8 NIV:
But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord: he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
So here is the question I believe God is asking us: What do you want?
“Want”, despite its appearance, is not a four-letter word. There is nothing wrong with wanting something, and wanting it badly. In fact, it seems that wanting something badly is almost a pre-requisite to asking God for anything. God is looking for a single-minded man or woman who will not accept anything but God’s best.
In Luke 18:1-8, Jesus tells the story of a woman who pleaded with a judge to grant her justice against her adversary. She wanted justice enough to be persistent. The judge refused for a while, but because of the woman’s persistence, granted her request. Jesus then asked, “When the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:8b NASB)
In the New Age movement, there is a lot of talk of synchronicity, that when a person makes a decision to do something the “universe” moves to bring it about. While I do not believe in a universe that grants requests, I absolutely believe that if we decide to do something, if we want something, if we set our mind, will, and emotions toward it, and if we have deliberately made sure it is God’s will and not our own, God will move if we pray.
This does not mean if a person desires a paid-off car, better job, or large retirement account that God requires nothing but a simple “I want.” But I am saying that God will help, and that He will move heaven and earth for the single-minded person who asks for it.
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Manage your time better with “Getting Things Done”
I just finished David Allen’s “Getting Things Done”“. I have been wanting to read this book for a couple years, but just finally got around to reading it. It is basically about improving your time management skills and as the title implies, getting things done more efficiently to live a less stressful life. I have read a couple similar books, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Zen to Done, and a few other generic time-management type 
books. I learned a few key principles in Getting Things Done that I hadn’t in the others. All in all, I liked GTD and think it is a worthwhile read, however the system may be difficult for some to implement and for those people I recommend Zen to Done - it takes a lot from GTD, but simplifies it just a bit.
In the book David lays out the steps to go from living in organizational chaos to having a system in place to keep your thoughts, notes, and life organized. I like his system, but like most systems it is going to take a few major life changes to implement it fully. When faced with new information or systems like these I like to grab one or two key principles and focus on implementing them rather than the system as a whole. When I try to make a major life change I usually fall off the wagon and end up getting frustrated with myself. Most of my changes that have lasted came by slowly implementing one or two small ones at a time.
Defeating the Stress
In the book David provides a well thought out and reasonable explanation of the source of our stress. He says that the overwhelming, stressful, and other negative feelings we may have are not caused by having too much to do. They come from breaking agreements with ourselves.
At some point in some way we made an agreement TO DO something and the stress and negative feelings come as a result of not meeting those agreements. It is really no different than breaking a promise that we would have with a colleage or friend - if you promise to meet a friend somewhere at a certain time or do something for them, but then you don’t come through - you feel guilty. If you have lots of these agreements that you can’t fulfill you may begin to feel stressed out. So, if you tell yourself to draft up a plan and you don’t do it, you begin to have the same feelings as not coming through for a friend.
He mentions three ways to overcome this stress:
- Don’t make the agreement in the first place - Learn to say no. It is a lot better to say no upfront, than to have to come back later after failing to do it and apologize.
- Complete the agreement - Focus all your energy on that one task and just knock it out. Doesn’t it feel good to check things off the to-do list?
- Re-negotiate the agreement - Change the promises that you made to yourself (or others). Giving yourself some relief from these pressures will greatly reduce some stress.
Our minds add to the stress
He talks a lot about how our minds can make our lives difficult. Any time we have a unfinished task; i.e. something we have said that we ought to do, our minds will continue to remind us that is has not been finished. Often it is at the most inconvenient times.
Our minds, as brilliant as they are in some ways, need to be tricked in this area. The best way to get your mind to stop the endless reminders is to get it out of your head and on to paper. But it must be on paper that your mind is convinced that you will come back and look at on a regular basis. Once your brain trusts that the to-dos are stored in a safe place, then it will stop the endless reminders and will be clear and free to relax. This is how stress-free productivity and our unlimited creative potential is reached.
Basically our minds aren’t free to function at their highest level until we the get millions of to-dos that we have stored up out of our head and on to a paper or digital system that we KNOW we will check again. The key is that it must be something that you check on a regular basis so that your mind TRUSTS that you will not forget about it. The goal of the process it to create a systematic method to keep your mind distraction free, in order that you can work at a high level of efficiency and effectiveness
In my beginning steps of implementing this I have created a google homepage with a couple different checklists to do my collecting of to-do’s. Personally, I have found this to be such a key to maintaining an organized and stress free life. The most difficult part is making frequent and consistent reviews of your collection system.
Processing the inbox
David suggests having a paper and digital inbox. The digital inbox is likely to be your email inbox and the paper one should be a an actual tray on your desk or other workspace area. If you are like most people the initial capture of everything may take many hours to get a handle on it all. But once you spend that initial chunk of time getting it all organized, it will require a whole lot less time to maintain it.
Here are a few of notes about his system:
- When processing your inbox - start at the top and go down, rather than just looking for the most urgent or interesting like most people. Processing merely means, deciding what to do with it and what action is required and dispatch it accordingly.
- Focus only on the single top item from the inbox. Don’t get distracted by the others in the stack, the sole focus on the one thing helps you to quickly and efficiently process it
- Nothing goes back into IN - it is a oneway street, so once it goes out it has to be dispatched somewhere.
- Most of the stuff is not THAT important, but the possibility in your mind that there might be something important in there allows the stacks and piles to control you, rather than you controlling it.
- Most people give more attention to things than they deserve, when really we shouldn’t over-react or under-react. Just because something is thrown right in front of you doesn’t make it urgent, just because something isn’t on fire doesn’t mean that it can wait til later.
- The key to managing all your stuff is MANAGING YOUR ACTIONS!! Don’t just do what you feel like doing, do what you should do.
Next Action thinking
This was a very valuable principle that David mentions in the book. The idea of next action thinking is that our brains often don’t like to do the analysis of what needs to be done when we only have a few spare minutes, BUT if you can go through and get the next action steps for each item, then when you do have a few minutes to spare - you won’t have to think about what you need to do - only ACT, by completing one of the next action steps already laid out for you…
For example if you have a pile of papers that you haven’t evaluated what needs to be done with each the uncertainty of not knowing how long they will take to process causes us to do nothing. But, if we spend a few minutes going through it and deciding what that next action is it will be clearly defined. Once it is clearly defined, we can estimate how long it will take and fit it in to our schedule like a puzzle piece. If you have 15 minutes to spare, just squeeze in the next action for something that will take you 15 minutes.
I have found in my life that the uncertainty of not knowing how long something will take to process has paralyzed me. In the example above, I would have not done anything in that 15 minutes, except feel overwhelmed while looking at the pile. I would have looked at the pile and just assumed that each next step would take more than 15 minutes, causing me to take no action. But if I knew that the next step for one task would take 15 mins or less, I would have done it.
- The big question is to ask yourself - WHAT IS THE NEXT ACTION to move this project along?
- If the item doesn’t require ACTION, then it needs to move to storage or trash. Making this decision can be difficult, but is absolutely necessary.
- If the next action can be done in 2 mins or less do it as soon as you pick it up, if longer then delegate if possible, or defer it to a later date.
- Don’t waste time thinking about things more than once, make a decision about something when you think about it rather than leaving the loop open and coming back later to think about it again
- The reason something is on your mind is you want it to be different than it currently is and you haven’t clarified exactly what the intended outcome OR you haven’t decided what the very next action step is AND/OR you haven’t put reminders of the outcome and the action required in a system you TRUST. Until this takes place, your brain will continue to think about it!!
If you have read Getting Things Done or have other ideas to increase productivity, please share them in the comments below
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Seth Godin, one of the premier marketing gurus of our time, recently wrote a post for “college grads or just about anyone.” I have read a few of Seth’s books, including a personal finance book he wrote, and have always had a lot of respect for him. He is a great marketer, but more importantly he really seems to be a honest guy trying to do the right thing. He has taken the long-term approach to doing things and it seems to have paid off for him.
Anyway, to his advice:
“Only borrow money to pay for things that increase in value.”
He goes on to say the three main things should be your business, your house, and your education. I love that he says this with the common thinking across our country that a car payment is something you can never escape. And that is just the beginning, then you get into loans on your living room furniture, and then - the worst - credit card debt.
I am excited to see that Seth is using his platform to get some valuable lessons out to his readers. It is one that people can never hear enough, hopefully they will heed his advice.
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A friend of mine shared this quote with me the other day and I really like it…
“Your path to fulfillment is astonishingly simple: Follow your
preferences, and they will lead you to your path. Find what brings you
joy and satisfaction, and trust that it will also bring you
prosperity…find what matters to you, and trust that it is the signpost
you have been looking for.”-Cherie Carter-Scott
I have always (and still do believe) that God’s will for our lives will line up with our desires. He often calls people to do things that they may not think they are capable of and along everyone’s journeys there will be moments of pain and discomfort. But, following our passion is often a good first step in finding God’s plan for our lives.
Most fathers want to bless their kids. God is a lot better than earthly fathers, so why wouldn’t he line our desires up with our calling?
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This is a reprint of an article I wrote for GetRichSlowly a week ago…
John D. Rockefeller founded the Standard Oil company back in 1862. He was also the first to become a billionaire, and was one of the richest men to ever live. I am sure many people today wish they could have walked in his shoes. If, somehow they could, I think some would find it to be eye-opening.
How could I possibly be richer than John D. Rockefeller?
With as wealthy as he was, he could have had anything that money could buy. But what a few hundred dollars may buy today, couldn’t be bought with millions 150 years ago.
Today, we have central heating and air conditioning, cars, planes, Tempur-Pedic mattresses, iPods, and millions of other gadgets. Even Rockefeller in his day couldn’t buy air conditioning. Maybe he had 15 people fanning him on a hot summer’s day (because he could afford it), but I would rather have air conditioning. He probably had chauffeurs to take him by horse and buggy all around town, but I would much rather be riding in a 10 year old Chevy. Wouldn’t you?
So, if we change the way we think of “wealth” and consider our standard of living and compare it to Rockefeller’s - I would say we are doing pretty good. In fact, I would go as far to say the majority of the U.S. lives an all-around more “comfortable” life than Rockefeller did. Who then, is actually richer?
How much does it take to be happy?
I have heard that if your household annual income is over $50,000, then you are in the top 1% richest in the world. (Find out with this tool)And if we can agree that most of us are living a more comfortable life than a billionaire at the turn of the 20th century, then shouldn’t we be content with what we have?
Should the fact that someone is living a more comfortable life than we are make us less comfortable? Or couldn’t we be satisfied knowing that we live a more comfortable life than 99% of the world or than the richest man 150 years ago?
And maybe we aren’t complaining - maybe we are just using our credit cards instead? Do we really need all the junk we are buying or are we forgetting how good we actually have it?
Why not keep up with the Joneses?
So, what is the point with all this? Why spend energy trying to be grateful for the things we have? Why not just try to keep up with the Joneses?
- Life is far more enjoyable when you are grateful. Grateful people divert their energy to seeing the good things they have been given rather than focusing on what they don’t have. This alone makes them much happier and far more enjoyable to be around.
- You can save a lot of money. When you are thankful that you have a car rather than having to ride the bus everyday, it makes it a lot easier to break the habit of buying a new car every year. This can apply to anything - HDTV is great, but so is COLOR TV. Remember when that was the new break-through technology?
- Forgetting about the Joneses can set you free. Doing things to impress and appease other people is a dangerous trap. So many people voluntarily become “puppets” to those they are trying to impress - trading control of their lives for temporary social approval. Having been enslaved by it for years, I suggest forgetting about what the Joneses think. They are overrated anyway.
- You can actually ENJOY the things you have. Everything loses a bit of its appeal as we get used to it. From a new pair of shoes, a brand new car, a spouse, or anything else - they are all exciting while we are anticipating them. But, once we have them for a while, they just aren’t as exciting as they once were. By genuinely appreciating it and focusing on the benefits of it rather than the “greener grass” elsewhere we can truly enjoy what we have.
“It’s not having what you want, It’s wanting what you’ve got.” -Sheryl Crow
I don’t say all this to suggest that we all should live like we are hovering around the poverty line. But, merely to suggest that maybe, just maybe we have it a little bit better than we think.
Regardless, whether you have 60″ HDTV and new BMW or a 19″ Sanyo and a 10 year old Chevy - be grateful. After all, either way Rockefeller would be jealous.
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One of my favorite columns in Money Magazine is the Do the Right Thing column where they discuss money and ethics. Although, I don’t think they are necessarily giving ethical advice based on Biblical principles, often times the advice is Biblically solid. The column from the recent issue brought up a point that really struck me as being sound wisdom.
The short version of the story is:
The parents of a son getting married offered to pay for 1/3 of the wedding to the bride’s parents. The bride’s family accepted and informed the Groom’s family of the final total that they owed. The Groom’s family suspected that the Bride’s family was asking for more than the 1/3 than they agreed to. They were asking how they should handle the situation.
Jeanne Fleming, the writer of the column, suggested to:
1. Call around to the caterer, florist, photographer, etc and get a quote from them for a wedding like their sons. Basically, just make sure you are right before you bring this out into the open.
2. If the numbers don’t add up, then…
“Call the Bride’s parents with your most apologetic voice and say, ‘I’m just wondering if there’s been some sort of error. We’d been expecting the wedding to cost (whatever you believe it actually cost). Could you double-check the math to be certain there’s been no mistake?’ In other words, without being accusatory, give them a face-saving opportunity to adjust the bill.”
3. If they don’t adjust the bill Jeanne suggests sucking it up and to just write the check to maintain family harmony.
A face-saving opportunity
I really like the advice she gave, especially the part about giving them a face-saving opportunity. This element of tact seems to have been forgotten in much of our society. Rather than showing love and cutting someone a little slack who may have made a mistake, many people seek to get revenge and are just looking for the opportunity to tell them they are wrong.
In the case mentioned above, giving the bride’s parents a way of escape allows for a possible non-confrontational resolution to the problem. It allows a little wiggle-room for the benefit of the doubt. Maybe there were unexpected expenses, maybe they really did do their math wrong, or (gasp) maybe you did your math wrong. And really there are hundreds of other possible explanations and it would be wise of us to realize that we don’t know it all.
The other path of course (the path most taken) would be to have an assumption (based on very little evidence) and then start World War III with the new daughter-in-law’s family and end up on the Jerry Springer show.
I just really hate sticking my foot in my mouth. I have done it so many times by making foolish assumptions or accusations that I look for any way I can to avoid it! Giving people a face-saving opportunity has been one of those helpful tricks. I can’t even count how many times I have thought I understood a situation and used this method to non-confrontationally gather some information - only to find out I was completely wrong. I am then very happy that I didn’t start blabbing my head off, blaming others when I was the one who was wrong.
Even being barely out of the newlywed phase, it seems to me that marriage provides a lot of opportunities to practice this. Luckily I have a very patient wife who puts up with me as I slowly develop this skill.
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